Monday, December 08, 2008

In Which I Outsmart A Dryer

The point of this blog has never been to chronicle the exciting adventures of Nathan, but this is one I feel must be shared, for I have proven today that I am indeed smarter than a drying machine.

I live in a rented house, but that doesn’t stop the landlord from charging coins on the machine. Jerky, yes, but that’s not the point. Given the bitterly cold temperatures of the last couple days, the metal on the coin slot froze inside the machine and would not pull out. The thing’s been stubborn for quite some time, but never like tonight. I fought it for ten, maybe even fifteen minutes; it would not budge. The roommate twice my size vetoed my admittedly dumb-idea of whacking it with a hammer, and in response to my “Got any better ideas?” came downstairs and fought with it for a bit with no luck.

And then it hit me: a hot air dryer! If the coin machine was stuck because of the cold, maybe warming it up would work!

Me: “Hey, big roommate, does anyone have a hot air dryer?”
Visiting friend: “Unfortunately, you live in a house full of guys.”
Me: “Yeah, well, surely somebody’s mother made them take one freshman year and it’s still lying around.” “
Big Roommate: “Yeah, that would be me.”
Me: “Can I use it?”
BR: “No.”
Me: “Want me to use the hammer?”
BR: “Blow-dryer’s under my bed.”
BR #2: “That is the dumbest idea I’ve ever heard.”
Me: “Got any better ideas?”
VF: “I feel like that’s probably said in the White House a lot… Bush pitches out his dumb policy, and asks if anyone’s got any better ideas.”
Me: “Yeah, well, that’s why I keep you guys around instead of yes-men, we should be able to come up with something.
BR: “Go back to your basement!!!”
Me: “I call you smarter than Karl Rove, and that’s the thanks I get?”
BR: “Yes.”

So, I trundle back to my basement and realize the blow dryer cord isn’t long enough. After a long but successful search for an extension cord, VF says, “Man, for your sake I really hope this works.” Well, no, it won’t, but again, you got any better ideas? So I aim it at the coin slot for a few minutes, and start pulling on the slot again. After a few tugs, YANK! The slot comes back out and the dryer starts. Why? Because I! Am! A! Genius!

Now, after reading this, tell me – are you wishing for your five minutes back?

5 comments:

Jordan said...

More like one-and-a-half. And warming it up doesn't make sense. Because the metal should shrink when it gets cold and be more loose; where warming it up would make it larger and prevent it from moving. It may have more to do with the grease that makes the motion smoother; it got frozen and you thawed it out. Either way congratulations.

Nathan Empsall said...

But the whole thing would get cold, so the whole thing would contract. My thought was cold + closer together could make these things stick together.

Don't rain on my parade. Party pooper.

Jase said...

Ah, Wayward, you didn't ask permission to use my photo for your post. I **AM** Stewie. Fortunately, I like you, so when I take over the world, your death shall be swift and painless. :)

Leonardo Ricardo said...

I love it, and being a decendent of Pioneers to Idaho (Silver Mines or Bust, Bellevue/Hailey even before they knew there were Silver Mines near Bellevue or Hailey) I respect your native ingenuity...bravo dear brother, onward and upward...don´t forget to uplug before the final rinse cycle!

Jordan said...

I ain't raining on your parade. I just don't think you should take it swimming if I was you! (the blow-dryer I mean)