These extreme Republican hacks are insisting that only small towns are the "real America." Look, I'm a red-meat eater from two towns - not Wasilla small but still small - and yet I'm downright insulted. A majority of Americans live in urban areas; are we supposted to believe that a majority of Americans aren't actually American? As Sarah Vowell, my future wife, said, "I feel like the east coast was American enough for Al-Qaeda, so it should be American enough for them!" That's an important point - these guys aren't exactly standing in the middle of a small town. To quote Jon Stewart, "So if small towns are real America, that would make big cities like Washington, DC and New York City the capitols of fake America, like the epicenter of fake America, the, the, oh, what's the word I'm looking for, the 'ground zero,' if you will, of anti-America. I bet bin Laden feels like a real a** h*** now, huh?"
This is a scare tactic. Palin and her allies are trying to make us think that if we don't vote for her, we hate America, and since of course we all love America, we'll all vote for her to prove it. To that I say, as we chant at college football games when refs make blatantly stupid calls, "Buuuuullllllllllll S**T! Buuuuullllllllllll S**T!" Hayes said liberals hate "real Americans" who "believe in God" but I got news for you, Robin! I'm a liberal, and I LOVE JESUS! I also don't recall the Founding Fathers saying anything about opposing affordable healthcare, demanding oil rigs in Alaska, and fighting regulations so that corporations can run amok being prerequisites for citizenship. Culturally speaking, I'm pretty darn red state, but some of the best parents and most moral people I know are champagne-swilling blue state homosexuals. To suggest that patriotism hinges on holding exactly the same views as certain Republicans is dishonorable, hateful, offensive, and above all, as arrogant as it gets. No one who thinks she is special enough or smart enough to be an official arbiter of who is and isn't American is fit for office at any level, not even county register of deeds. It reminds me of the Pharisees. Sarah Palin, Michelle Bachmann, Robin Hayes, and those who enable them are making a mockery of everything we claim to stand for in this great nation.
You know who else used to talk about the real America? This guy. Remember him? Yeah.
Now more than ever, we need someone who can unite us. Those who would further divide us in our darkest times may have the country's best interests at heart, but that's like saying the kid who got an F on six math tests in a row after not studying still deserves to pass because he really loves his teacher. No, we need someone who can unite us, who can lead us, who can make us feel hopeful about our country's future again. We need an FDR or a Reagan. We need the John McCain of 2000. We need the Barack Obama of 2004, who famously said,
So to those of you who hate the fact that not everyone in this country is your clone, to those of you who can't stand it when people dare to live in a larger town than yours or hold different views about the minimum wage, who care not for the First Amendment, I say:
This beautiful melting pot is America. Love it, or leave it.